What a Week!

Well if you follow me on Instagram then you already know that I did not run my marathon as planned. I was on the fence about running it and then as things unraveled I knew that all signs were pointing to me having to pull out. It was a tough decision but in the end I am glad that I made the decision not to run because my mind would not have been in the race. 

Roxy, my Pom with cancer, has not been doing well. Her appetite has been very poor and I really thought that I was going to have to put her down this week. My daughter refuses to let me put her down because she says that she is not ready. I agree with her but we also agreed that once she stops eating we would have give her the peace she deserves. Well, this morning Roxy starting eating again. She was back at the side of my bed at 5 am barking and asking to eat. I was more than happy to get up and feed her and now she seems to be back to normal. I guess she has her good days and bad days.

Then to top things off, my son was not feeling well and ended up throwing up last night. At that point, the race was off for sure since I am a mom before I am a runner. I did not sleep the whole night checking on my son, keeping an eye on Roxy and dwelling on the fact that I pulled out of my race. Social media can make it that much worse when you see everyone else out there racing. Don't get me wrong. I am very happy for everyone who raced this weekend but just wished that I could have been out there with them. I just kept telling myself that there will be many opportunities to run races but family (which includes my dogs) comes first. I am over it now but it was a tough day. 

Running has not been so fabulous either. I have so many things on my mind lately that sometimes I just don't have the motivation to run. I have been going on shorter runs and not really pushing myself and that is kind of unheard for me. I haven't been sleeping well either so my energy is lacking when I get home from work. It's kind of sad but I keep telling myself that I need to snap out of this and realize that life isn't always perfect. I just need to accept it and deal with it!

Sorry to sound so negative but I am just keeping it real and being honest. I am hoping for a better week which includes motivation to get back to training. I have a half marathon coming up in a month and I need to be ready for it. My friend who lost her husband is supposed to be running with me but she is still going through some tough times and might back out on me. I totally understand her and may have to rethink those plans as well. 

How do you bounce back when you are feeling unmotivated?

Almost Wordless Wednesday

I remember when this medal hanger only had  a couple of medals on it!

 I keep this hanging on a wall that I have to pass on the way to my bedroom so I  see it several times a day and it keeps me motivated!

Am I Back?

May was a pretty decent month full of mostly solid runs. I have to work a lot harder for my runs but the effort is there. I ran 92 miles in May, the most I have ran this whole year. In May I ran a half marathon and a 10K.  Neither one of my races were PR's but then again I was just focusing on being able to finish and running without pain. Coming back from an injury is a scary thing. The thought of re-injuring yourself lingers in the back of your mind and every little ache and pain worries you. I am trying very hard to get rid of this mindset while still remaining cautious but I can't lie, it's been very difficult. 

The more that I think about it, I cannot consider myself "BACK" until I do something that impresses myself! Yes, I am incredibly hard on myself! When you know what you have accomplished in the past, you tend to hold yourself to those levels and anything else is just not worth talking about. I know that every race cannot be a PR and up until now I have not attempted to push myself or strive for anything great. I don't want to be disappointed with myself more than I already have been for the last few months. Things have really changed for me. My body is not familiar with the weekly mileage that I used to put in.  I can no longer run 13 miles on any given day without feeling tired or sore. I get tired way faster than I did in my better days. My endurance is simply not what it used to be! Sometimes I get so frustrated with myself that I have considered giving up on running but my love for running won't let me. I guess recovery takes time and even though I am thankful as ever to be running again, I still need to be patient with my body and take my time building myself back up to where I want to be.

via

My next race is not until September and I am not sure what I will shoot for but I am going to start pushing myself a little harder so that I have a goal to work towards. I have a training schedule that I have been working on since this injury first happened and I think it's almost time to bust it out and get busy!!  I can't wait for the day when I can confidently come back here to tell all of you that "I AM BACK!"

Emotional Roller Coaster Weekend

This weekend was an emotional roller coaster to say the very least!  My best canine friend died on Friday and then we had a surprise 60th birthday party for my Dad, who is battling cancer, on Saturday.  My Dad has been in the hospital for the past two weeks and had surgery to have his gallbladder removed.  He lost a lot of weight and has not been feeling that great.  It is really hard to hide anything from my Dad but we truly surprised him this time!

Me and my Dad!

I have never seen my Dad cry in all of my life and this surprise party actually brought him to tears!  It was really hard to see my Dad cry because he always told us as kids not to cry.  My Dad grew up in a Japanese family that went through a lot of hardship but he never saw either one of his parents cry so he grew up with a very tough heart. Don't get me wrong, my Dad is a great person and he would not strike you as an heartless person but he is just never been one to wear his heart on his sleeve.  I watched both of my grandparents die (his parents) and he never cried at their funerals or during their last moments of life. He even cried when I told him that my dog has passed away. Although it was hard to see my Dad in such an emotional state, it was kind of nice to see the sensitive side of him that I have never seen before.

My Dad and Step mom

It was a small party with mostly family but he had a great time and he really enjoyed himself.  He didn't even seem to mind it when his sister in law put cake all over his face! She really got him good!

My step mom had the priest from her friend's church come to the party to pray for my Dad and to bless him. My Dad is a believer but has never been one to go to church so this was really good for him. He told me that the priest did not try to mislead him to think that he would get better but just reassured him that if he didn't that everything was going to be fine. I think he found some comfort in hearing those words.

So Sunday rolled around and I had a 14 mile run on the agenda.  After enduring all of these emotionally draining events, I was in no mood to run...at all! I woke up at 5:45am on Sunday, put my running clothes on and then thought of my dog and decided not to do it!  My daughter sent me a text a few minutes later and said, "Let's go the beach today."  I wasn't in much of the mood to go to the beach but I figured it wouldn't be a bad idea to get out of the house.  I really needed to get my mind off of my dog and my Dad so we got our beach stuff together and headed to Huntington Beach.  I wore my running clothes to the beach and hoped that by the time I got there I would be motivated to do some running. The weather was great and there is a really nice bike trail at Huntington which runners also utilize.  I had never ran on or near the beach before so it was a nice change for me. 

They decided to take it easy and do this, while I ran. They were pretty slow because they could not keep up with me (not that I am fast or anything) for nothing! 

Needless to say, I did not run 14 miles as planned! I called it quits at 6.55 miles and decided to spend some quality time with the family and try to recover from the overwhelming chain of events that had occurred in the previous days. I laid on the sand for the remainder of the day, took it easy and did some people watching.  These two got the "Most Interesting" award of the day!  Yes, that is a male and my nine year old son was sure to point out "the man in the bikini" to all of us!

The man in the bikini!

My mileage for the week sucked to say the least!  I was supposed to put 29 miles in and only managed to bank 22! I am in a very unmotivated state of mind this week and need to pull myself out of this!  The Disneyland Half Marathon is less than two weeks away and I need to get with it if I plan to PR!  No excuses this week, I promise! 

Please tell me what you do when you start to feel unmotivated!! I need some motivation here!!

Medal Motivation

I am so excited about the two runDisney races that I have coming up.  I will be running the Disneyland Half Marathon in September 2011 and the inaugural Tinker Bell Half Marathon in January 2012. Disney has released photos of the medals for both races and they are so cute!!  Just thinking about earning these medals motivates me to run... I love cute medals!

I am really excited to be running in the Tinker Bell Marathon since it is a brand new race.  I am sure that Disney will go all out and make it really fun.  The race starts super early so starting at 5:45am will be a little tough! Shawna will also be running the Tinker Bell Half Marathon so she will be a part of history with me!  I am hoping to set a new PR within the next six months at one of the four half marathons that I am registered for. You can bet that I will be blogging about my new PR if I get one!